Shalei Stripped

2006-05-31T22:08:00.001-07:00

He arrives

2006-05-31T22:08:00.000-07:00

"Oh wow! Is that him? Quick look, I think he's here!"

My co-worker hissed that when she saw D get out of truck, I don't know how she knew but she knew. All the night before, all that day I had wondered what I would say to him first, what my first words in his presence would be. Would I smile? Wave? Call out something witty and sparkling and brilliant? Would I glide gracefully across the floor into his arms? Would I delight him? Would I embarrass myself?

When he arrived though... I brought him coffee. Nothing sparkling, nothing impressive, I couldn't manage to think of anything else except that he drinks decaf and I brought it to him. His thumb brushed my finger when I handed it to him... Our first contact... It hit me like a burning brand, sensation up my hand and arm and down my spine, I felt as if I'd been lit from the inside. It sounds trite, uninspired to say such a thing but it's true and I don't know any other way to describe it! He filled up the room...

We ate some sandwiches on my break together and then he picked me up later from work.

I don't want to give a play by play, this is boring. What we did isn't what I want to talk about, I can't be so dry and logical right now. I know what I remember...

He led me around the room, making me kneel... asking? No, he wanted me to kneel and I wanted to kneel and it was so right. I've never knelt before a man before, I couldn't imagine doing so with most. D is so... easy about it. He simply expects to be obeyed. He asked me if I saw anything in the room that belonged to me... I said no sir. He asked if I wanted to come in, I said yes sir. He led me into the next room and the questions and answers were repeated. I felt... good, comfortable, much less nervous then I thought I would be. Then he knelt me in front of the full length mirror...

"Do you see anything that belongs to you?"

"... No sir..."

If there was any defining moment when I went from wanting to be his, to the realization that I was his, that was it. He has talked of my ability to end this so far should I wish to, to end it before I become a slave with no rights. I left them in that room...

A Second Attempt

2006-05-25T02:50:00.000-07:00

Sleeping has become difficult at best, it seems I can only manage four hours before I'm up and roaming the house. Chamomile tea over ice to beat the Florida heat and the insomnia in one tasty sweep. I thought since I'm up and aren't due to start my morning letter until I should be up I might as well try again to introduce myself, something I'm quite bad at constantly being in a state of terror that I will come across with all of the sparkle and glamour of milk toast, or the ever Southern grit (the grainy breakfast gruel, not the tough John Wayne sort). There's only so long one can stall by reveling in self-effacing muttering though...

My name is shalei... Now. D decided the way it sounded pleased Him, which is enough to make the name suit me just fine. I'm 32 years old, currently a barista for a very large, well known Seattle-based chain of coffee stores, and let me be the first to say I love my job. I get to people-please all day long, our customers often being very verbal in either their pleasure or displeasure which gives me an easy way to tell how well I'm doing my job, and gives me something to strive for. I have recently moved to Southern Florida, changing the distance that separates D and I from 14 hours to 4, something that has suddenly made weekends together and visits and dates a practical reality as opposed to a pleasant idea.

This weekend will be the very first time we have been face to face, for four days we will touch and smell and taste and find out if everything we think we are doing, if this precious, amazing connection we have made will hold up under scrutiny. I will be spending the weekend with him in his hotel room except for when I'm working. He will take me to work, pick me up, meet the people I know, meet my Mother and G-Ma (both of which I live with) and see how we fit with each other in all ways but one.

D has declared no sex. We don't intend to keep our hands off of each other, that would be too much to ask. We intend to find many ways to express our physical affection, to enjoy and please and delight each other, but no sexual intercourse in the most exacting definition will take place (i.e. no penis into vagina). The reasons for this are symbolic and just long enough where I don't want to explain right now; I understand and He understands and that's enough. We even debated it for a while, with me on the "but I wanna fuck!" side of things, which is where I fell in love with the Man all over again, as He both allowed me to ask questions and debate as much as I liked and explained things to me carefully and calmly without the slightest bit of condescension or frustration in his manner, treating me as a girl of high intelligence and sound logic, which is something I am not used to. He... never lets my instinct to please and step down in a difference of opinion cause me to get lost in the conversation or be rolled over.

If I intend to get any snuggling down in before work I'd better do so.

Obligatory Introductions

2006-05-24T04:01:00.000-07:00

D is taking over my life. Of all of the various things I've thought about starting this journal out by talking about, that is the most important fact.

The second most important is that I over-analyze everything I think about typing for hours before I do so. This has in the past prevented me from keeping any sort of journal at all, even private diaries. Even as a small child my diaries were nothing but a few scribbled notes and some basic things everybody knew about me, so nervous that another would find and read my secrets. I have never written anything honest, anything true, so why is my first attempt a public blog? I can't answer that question yet... something about the up front public exposure makes me... comfortable isn't the right word, clean may be though. D wishes for me to be completely honest in this project which scares me, and for him I will be, for him I can do what I could never do for myself.

Be shalei. Be a girl. Be honest.

My name is shalei. I've now stalled for an hour. Another attempt at this in a few.

Testing

2006-05-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

Test post